Oh!
Ahhhh!
Counterfeit Cat!
You are one saucy beast!
Max is being attacked!
Hey, Gark.
Leave my friend alone, you hideous thing!
Hmph!
Gaaaark! Noooo!
You're okay!
Oh, Max, there was a monster after you, and...
That was me!
Why did you want to look like a monster?!
I didn't want to look like a...
Gark, it's Valentine's Day!
Ooh.
And that means...?
Valentine's Day is when Cupid draws his bow
and shoots an arrow into the one you love.
I will destroy this evil killer!
Settle down.
The world, Gark, is a cruel, hard-hearted place.
It's up to us romantics to fight for love,
to wage war for affection...
which is why yours truly has a date.
With who?
Uh... nobody in particular.
You wouldn't know her.
Ranceford?!
Ugh. I really hate that you can do that.
Yes, Ranceford.
No, you see, I've decided that,
in the spirit of St. Valentine's Day,
I'll give her the chance she's always longed for:
A date with me!
Taking her dancing, Max?
Oh, no! Not today!
I can feel them all over me, crawling around,
nibbling my skin, having tiny dinner parties!
I'm confused...
in a lot of ways right now!
I've got fleas, Gark!
I'm infected. I've got kitty cooties.
No one survives that!
I'm going to die alone in a trash can!
Well, not completely alone!
You'll have your fleas!
Go away! Shoo!
Did I get it?
No!
Looks like no Valentine's Day for poor Max this year.
Sorry, Ranceford.
I guess it's just you and I...
Gark. Gark?!
Down here, Max! On your elbow!
Hmm?
Gark?!
I'll hunt down the fleas, Max.
You go to Ranceford!
But...
Go to her, Max! Go to her!
Oh, you're a good friend, Gark.
I might just invite you to the wedding!
I smell...
Trouble. And...
cologne?
¶
Well, hello!
Two minutes late.
Not a good start, Max.
I almost left.
No! No! Sorry.
I had to take care of my flea... uh, fleeeet!
Your flee-eet?
Yeah, fleet... of ships.
Ships of... romance.
I'm their captain!
Are you keeping score?
Of course.
How... How am I doing?
I'm, uh... dancing!
Uh... Join me!
I've got you now!
When I agreed to go on a date with you,
I distinctly said, "No weird stuff."
Mm-hmm!
I know you fleas are out there!
Show yourselves!
Cut it out!
You're not bad, Max!
I mean... I've had enough.
Are we done now?
Report - I have driven all fleas into a cave
and am moving in.
Over.
Cave?
Ooh. It better not be what I think it is.
Who were you talking to?!
Just myself.
I was working on a... poem for you.
Let's hope it's good.
¶
All of you... come out now!
Fine. Have it your way!
"Cat food is sweet. So are your feet.
Let's dance 'til..." Argh!
Didn't really rhyme, did it?
Hmph!
I'm okay!
Right. Good news.
I'm going to go sit in the sun.
I... guess you can join me.
Alright, alright, big fella.
Ya got me!
You?! Well... where are the others?
It's just me, man.
Oh, this flea only flies solo.
¶ Kind of like you, I reckon. ¶
¶ Am I right, big guy? ¶
¶ Oh, "Jo", they call me - "Jojo"! ¶
Whoa!
Easy, Tex!
¶ Just paying my respects to the man who beat me ¶
¶ in a fair fight, a fair fiiiight. ¶
Oh! I, uh...
Hello. I'm Gark.
¶ Mighty nice laser you got there. ¶
¶ She a custom? ¶
I was born with it.
¶ Born with a warrior's heart, too! ¶
Aw.
Oh, and don't forget the tentacles.
I didn't say stop.
So that's how it all started.
They call it "Valentine's Day".
Valentine's Day? What's that about?
Hmm...
The world, Gark, is a cruel, hard-hearted place.
Blah blah, blah blah blah.
Fight, blah blah blah.
Love, blah blah. Wage war.
It's all about fighting, love, and waging war!
Sounds fun!
Well, I guess you gotta do your duty, Gark.
I'm ready to meet my maker.
No!
Jojo, you're too nice of a guy.
Hey! All Max wanted was you out of his fur!
Hi, Max!
Max! I want you to meet Jojo!
'Sup, y'all?
Gark... a moment of your time, please.
I wanted to zap him, Max, but he's so cool!
I think you'll like him!
He's a bloodthirsty freak who's been biting me!
I thought it would be nice if he got to
experience Valentine's Day, Max.
¶ If you're gonna do Vegas, if you're gonna do Vegas, ¶
¶ then you gotta do it on the back of an eagle, babe! ¶
Gark, look at that.
Better do something about that, Max.
Uh, hey, pal...
Uh, go find your own Valentine.
Hey, Max...
did you know Jojo used to live on an eagle?
Back off, blood sack!
Like my ma used to say, ¶ "Don't be writing a check ¶"
¶ with your mouth that your body can't cash." ¶
I really have no idea what that means.
Means we've got a classic Valentine's Day fight
on our hands.
Ow. Ow! Ow!
Guys, why don't we all just hang out, 'kay?
Oww!
That really hurt.
What do you mean, "classic Valentine's Day fight"?
I told him what you told me about "fighting for love"!
Noooo! I said...
Show me what you got there, fur ball!
This is totally unfair!
You have all those legs!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Try now, Max!
Let's fight!
Ack!
Gosh...
Gark!
You're on my side!
No... I'm on the side of romance!
Now...
fight!
Can I ask you a question?
Ow! Ow! Ow!
¶ Oh, why ya hitting yourself? Why ya hitting yourself? ¶
I'm not!
¶ Why ya hit, hit, hit, hit, hitting yourself? ¶
Okay! Technically, I am!
Look, I never meant you literally fight for love!
Huh?
It's an expression!
- Oh... - Didn't pick up on that.
Does sound a little weird, now you think about it.
So, uh, Max... ¶ No hard feelings, buddy. ¶
"Buddy" is my word.
And Ranceford is my girl.
Well, at least Ranceford will understand...
right, Ranceford?
Oh, gosh. I'm sorry, Max.
Whoa. I wasn't doing very well, was I?
Whatever!
She couldn't keep up with me on the dance floor.
Yep, if someone can't boogie like Max, it's...
"Adios, baby!"
Speaking of which, I reckon it's time for this fella
to hit the lonesome road.
Gark, shrink me back down, would ya?
Max, where do you want me?
¶ Under the collar? ¶
That's not happening, Jojo!
Fair enough.
I guess I'll... ¶ head out for the parts unknown. ¶
¶ Who knows? ¶
¶ Maybe I'll even find a love worth fighting for. ¶
Hate to break this to you, Jojo,
but you're still a giant, hideous flea!
Well, hello, stranger!
You're new in town!
Well, hello to you.
¶
Has she got a puncture or something?
I think she's lonely, Max.
What gives you that idea?
Oh, you know, little things.
¶
Hmph!
Betty's buried six husbands...
and all but one of them were dead.
She shouldn't be so careless.
We could find her a new husband -
someone to talk to her, spoil her,
scratch her belly!
Feed me treats, scratch my ears, change my tray!
I like him already!
Let's find Betty's lucky number seven!
Uh... Are you sure about this, Max?
Trust me.
Men like their sausages.
Oh! My lucky day!
Ooh!
Now, Gark! Now!
Argh!
Isn't love wonderful?
It certainly is.
Now, help me stuff him in this sack!
Am I so very hard to love?
Maxie?
She's coming! Bring him 'round!
What the...
Where am I?!
What are you doing in my apartment?!
And would you like to go out some time?
I'm a monster.
And I'm out of ice cream!
Where are the men who make me laugh
like you did, Billy?
Or melt me with their eyes, Carlos?
Or do that old elastic-band trick, Nigel?
They don't make 'em like that anymore.
Did you hear that?!
She has them made for her!
We'll make Betty a man!
We're not making Betty into a man!
She's fine as a woman!
I...
Ohhh.
We just need some visual aids...
Betty's precious memories...
assorted ironmongery...
and, of course...
a beetroot!
You have no idea what humans are made of, do you?
Nope. But Throckmorton does!
Put 'em together and what have you got?
The perfect robot man!
Yeah! He's a keeper!
Apart from having no brain.
Hmm?
He's got a beetroot for a head!
He's remote-control.
Suit up!
Huh?
Ack!
Can I help you?
Hold on...
I'm controlling the limbs, but you're the brains?!
Fine. If you want to...
Request dating sequence, Bet-Tee.
Beh-beh-beh-beh.
Oh, real smooth, Gark.
I'm doing my best!
Goodness! How forward,
Mister...?
Humanoid.
Klorpux Humanoid.
"Klorpux"?!
I had an uncle named Klorpux.
Come in, Klorpux.
I'm Betty.
Max, be careful.
I'm trying! But you're putting me off!
Ooh, you're a feisty one!
Such a lovely smile.
¶
You look soooo handsome.
When can I see you again, Klorpux?
How's tomorrow?
What?!
Good! Pick me up at seven.
Oh!
Yay! Betty's in love!
Way to go, Gark.
The hardest night of my life, and what do you say?
"Let's do it again tomorrow."
No chance!
Aw, please, Max! Betty was so happy!
This was supposed to be about making my life easier!
I'm not doing it!
Well, Max...
Pretty obvious that I've got to clean up your mess again.
Hey! That was one time -
and I'd eaten a lot of fiber!
Not like that.
I clearly have the stamina you don't to keep up with Betty.
I'll take over from here.
How, helmet-head?
I thought you couldn't leave the apartment.
Neural interface.
I can download myself directly into Humanoid.
What?! That's cheating!
Why couldn't we do that?
Well, one, you're not...
Okay, okay! Never mind.
It's not like he'll be any good at it.
Yeah?! Let me show you how a player plays.
You can call me...
Mister Smooth.
Or "Daddy".
What?!
If it goes well,
he could end up as husband number seven!
No way!
I like the sound of that!
Who's your daddy, Max?
Who's your daddy?
This is just so amazing.
I mean, do you know what it feels like to have hands?
I can scratch myself!
Ohh! Yeah!
Oh, Klorpux.
I've never met anyone who makes me laugh so!
And to think I would never have experienced this
had it not been for you.
Oh, Puxy!
He's such a faker!
Don't listen to him, Betty!
Max... We're doing this for her, remember?
And the alien says, "Black hole?"
"I thought it was a supernova!"
Aww...
"Mrs. Betty Humanoid"!
That sounds nice.
Don't... even...
I never felt so in love!
Me, too!
Let's go on more dates - lots of them!
Let's never stop!
¶
Such darling costumes, Jeanette!
You're the best daughter ever.
Oh, he's coming!
Bish-te-bish-te-bop, beep-beep-boo!
Make room for the groom, yo!
You can't seriously be going through with this!
Well, Max... at first, this was just a chance
to get out and about in this beautiful, wide world,
but Betty's special - real special -
and I've fallen for her big time.
I'm the luckiest homunculus alive!
It's the tale we've heard a thousand times before:
She was a lonely older woman,
he was an alien artificial intelligence
downloaded into a vegetable cyborg.
Don't think of this as losing a friend.
Think of it as gaining a daddy -
a very cool... but strict daddy...
who demands your respect!
This is insane.
We've got to stop this!
Don't be such a cynic, Max.
You can't control love.
Or can I?
Gark, I need you to stall them!
Oh... I don't know, Max.
Uh... Maybe you should sing for them!
Do it for love!
I'm on it, Max!
I'd like to sing something I just wrote
for this happy occasion!
¶
Argh!
¶
Hmm.
¶
¶ Meowwwwwww.
Lovely... But can we please start?
The yoga class has the room from one.
Does anyone here present know any just cause or impediment
why these two people may not be married?
I do!
Get away from her, you beet!
You are not ruining this for me, you hear?
Step away from the Betty!
Nice try, son!
But I'm a robot. Get it?!
Hmm?
Come on, Betty! I'm counting on you!
What are you doing?
Destroy Gark!
Are you seriously trying to
crush your best friend to prove a point?!
Destroy Ga-Ga-Ga-Gark!
Max...?
Destroy Gark! Destroy Gark!
Klorpux!
Nobody hurts my babies!
The wedding's off, Mr. Humanoid!
Wait!
Destroy Gark!
I'm not trying to...
Destroy Gark!
Self destruct in one... zero...
Yoga time!
¶
Well, all I wanted was someone to pamper me rotten.
Result!
How can I be lonely when I have you two to spoil?
Hope you're hungry, baby.
I'm cooking up my special chili!
And someone to spoil me!
So everyone got what they wanted!
What a happy ending!
Love stinks.
On the other hand...
welcome back, you handsome devil!
Ah-do-de-chit-te-gat-gat,
chit-te-goo-te-chit-te-gah!
Ah-boo-de-bash- de-geh-dow! Rowr!